You’re A Turk! (I Know)

Istanbul, not Constantinople. Istanbul, used to be Constantinople. Istanbul, the city that runs across the border of two continents. Istanbul, the golden horn of the Mediterranean, the trading Mecca of the world, the peacekeeper of the middle east, the biggest city in Turkey, one of the biggest cities in the world.

When I previously mentioned that Florence, Italy had the perfect mix of old grace and new pace, I wasn’t lying; however, Istanbul takes the cake when it comes to old age customs and new age consumerism. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I thought it is the greatest place in the world, because I definitely don’t think it is. As Colin might say, this blog and everything I say in it is legit, because I am a “straight shooter.”

Istanbul is a massive metropolis that has a mesmerizing mix of Muslims and merchandising. That’s an ‘m’ bomb for you. But on the rizzle, Istanbul is an intriguing place. Correct me if I am wrong (but don’t really- I am never wrong, and you don’t want to get on my bad side, or else I will have to do somethin’ crazy), but I believe Istanbul’s population is composed of 98% Muslims (or people of Muslim descent) and 2% of other persons, places, things, and ting tings. So you say, “What is so impressive about that? A high percentage of Muslims is to be expected… I mean Turkey is right next to the Middle East.” Clever you! Clearly someone paid attention in Geography class. Or math class. Or you just googled Istanbul, Turkey. Whatever the case, congrats. You forgot to check one key stat on wikipedia though… Istanbul has a population of around 15 million people. That’s just Istanbul. Do the math. That is a lot of Islam for one city. Did I mention that Istanbul is one of the world’s largest business centers?

So, what exactly am I trying to get at here? Let me lay it out for you. My preconceived notions led me to believe that Istanbul would be more of an eastern-hemisphere country (despite my knowledge that they want to join the European Union and that most Turks want to be considered European rather than Asian). Let me tell you something little man… my preconceived notions were shot down immediately upon setting foot in Istanbul. The place is crazy. Best adjective I’ve got: bustling. In the following few (phew!) paragraphs I will explain to you exactly what I mean. Let me take you on a ridiculous adventure through my hectic 5 days in Turkiye.

Day Woahne.

Still exhausted from Greece, I woke up at 9am after a good nights sleep, brushed my shower, took a teeth, put my socks on my hands, my shoes on my feet, my shirt on my waist, and my pants on my head (I really was exhausted).

At every port an American diplomat boards the ship and leads a briefing that all students are required to attend. My comparative politics class required that I stay behind and ask the diplomat questions for an extra hour, so I did that. Funzies. I was supposed to go out and about with Paul, Colin, and Mike, but Cat was all by her lonesome so I decided that we would run the town together. I put on my sun cream (hah… my British friends still haven’t figured out that its actually called sunscreen) and I was ready to go. Cat and I checked out of the MV Explorer and checked into Turkey.

Cat and I had done our research, so we knew what to do. We found the metro (it was above ground, totally cool) and went straight to the famed “Grand Bazaar.” The place lived up to its name. It was grand, it was a bazaar, and it was bizarre (pun intended). The grand bazaar is a huge market that was built years and years ago, and it is ridiculous. It is also huge. Unfortunately, due to a disgusting amount of tourism the GB is no longer fully genuine and it definitely caters to the touristy industry. Regardless, the thing is outrageous. There is a shop every 4 feet, each with salesmen standing outside grabbing all spectators that stroll by. “Hey lady, lady, mister, mister, yes please, come in look, yes please very nice things.” That is basically what all of them said when you walked by their stores. Although they were polite, it was fairly (well, really) annoying. One possible advantage though- if you are starting a business back home and you need some good salesmen, go grab some men from Istanbul and teach them English- they are natural born entrepreneurs.

The idea of hassle free shopping never made it to Istanbul. I was freaking out. I just wanted to browse, but I was being grabbed and things were being shoved in my face every five seconds. The GB is organized into a few sections: gold, silver, miscellaneous jewelry, clothes, textiles, furnishings, food, leather, etc… and there are also tons of people in the middle of each street/alley selling random things like socks, water bottles, food, belts, watches, sunglasses, shirts, and tissues. That is just in the main covered bazaar area. Outside of the bazaar is a colossal amount of shops selling everything known to man. Sounds like a shopper’s paradise, right? Wrong to the fifth degree. Like I said before, the place was crazy. Not only that, but it was knockoff heaven. Everything was a knockoff of something (clothing wise). Knockoffs are cool and all, but what ever happened to regular, quality built products? Also, the prices were inflated like that blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. In order to get a decent price on anything, you have to haggle like a champion. Too bad Bill Shatner wasn’t there to help me out on the first day… after all, he is ‘The Negotiator.’

So, now that I have that out of the way, let me tell you about my first day at the marketplace.

AHH! That is about it.

Cat and I walked around for a while, ran into a bunch of other SaSers, and shopped away. It rained fiercely for a while, so we were stuck in the Bazaar (the first time it has rained since Halifax!). I needed going out clothes, so I got a pair of fake Adidas, a fake Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, and a pair of Levi’s jeans for 120 lira. (Lira are the Turkish currency, there are about 1.5 liras per USD. Turkey wants to be in the EU but the EU has them standing by so they still use the Lira instead of the Euro.) While 80 bucks seems like a good deal for a full outfit, I didn’t realize what a rip it was. If you are a good haggler, you can get stuff dirt-cheap. I didn’t learn that until day 2.

One crazy thing that happened- while walking around, I saw two familiar faces. I don’t know if you remember, but I do… in Florence, Italy, Colin and I met two cool German girls. They told us that they were traveling to Greece and Turkey at the same time as us, and Colin and I didn’t believe them. As it turns out, they were actually in Istanbul. I walked right by them with Cat. They didn’t see me, and I was too freaked out to say anything so nothing happened. I sent them a text later on, but no response was given. It was worth a try. Crazy enough, right? I told Colin that night and he flipped out.

After a long day of walking around, being attacked by salesmen, and eating at Doner’s (Turkish fast food, kebab style), Cat and I went back to the ship to get a free dinner. We walked back even though it was a few miles because the metro was gross. Smelly Turkish men dominate that trolley. That night I went out with the gang to a cool hookah bar under the bridge and we had a grande ole’ time.

Day Toomuchbazaar

Woke up, ate lunch on the ship, and headed out with Andrew, Marla, Travis, and Cat. Guess where we went? I’ll give you a hint- the Grand Bazaar. I am bad at hints. We walked around the city, saw the grand bazaar, and went to the famous Spice Bazaar. It was this day that I realized how much of a rip-off my jeans were from day one- I bought a pair of fake (but still really nice) Diesel jeans for 15 liras. 15 liras! The Levi’s were 50 liras. At least I made up for my glitch.

The Spice Bazaar was cool, but it was essentially a small version of the GB with tons of spices. I was still upset about not saying anything to the German girls the day before, and I hoped that I would see them but they were nowhere to be found. The five of us headed off to a traditional sit down (on the floor) Turkish dinner and had a great time. The waiter was from Turkey, but his wife was from Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He was really excited that I was from South Carolina. He was probably the only Turkish guy I met who genuinely liked Americans… everyone else added on the BAT (being an American tax) to all of my purchases.

After a great dinner, we went to explore some more. We went to Takxim Square, a famous (and big) street up on the hill. Takxim is filled with clubs, bars, restaurants, shopping, and people galore. I was still cringing from my fear of naked men that I acquired in Spain, so I was happy to find out that there were no naked men in Istanbul. There were tons of people though- bigs, smalls, tourists, locals, and Muslims. So many Muslims! It was crazy seeing such a booming, westernized city filled with so many women covered from head to toe in garbs.

As this trip has gone on, my energy level has been falling faster than the fanbase from the television show Lost fell when the writers started doing hard drugs. While walking around Takxim, my body decided it was time to go take a nap. I was strolling around with my head down, weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic, when I heard the words “Oh my gosh!” followed by my name. I looked up to see Mia and Laura, the two German girls from Florence, run over to me. They seemed really thrilled to find me and they told me that they were ‘couch surfing’ with a nice couple who lived right around the corner. The conversation got a bit awkward when I asked Mia about my text from the previous day and she said that she got it and hadn’t had time to respond, but I made a quick recovery. The girls excitedly said that they were going to get in touch with me later and that they wished Colin was there, but they had to go. Pretty crazy, huh? I didn’t expect much of anything to happen, and I was right. They never contacted us, and that was that. Nice knowing those two girls… too bad I never got a picture or their last names so we could be friends on facebooooooook. Who knows, maybe I will run into them in Egypt, Morocco, or Virginia. Maybe they are German spies trying to find out our secrets. Too bad I only had one unicorn and I traded it to a Turkish merchant for a fake Burberry purse.

What was I talking about again? I don’t remember. The Ginko Bilboa isn’t working. Anyways, the rest of the night was pretty fun. I went out with 9 girls from the ship and we had a great time exploring the nightlife of Takxim Square.

Day Three (I have run out of clever wordplays)

Woke up, ate lunch on the ship, and rolled out with Colin, Paul, Mike, and our friend Jandice (two girls we call Jandice. Don’t worry about it). We had no idea what to do, and we had heard about a cool shopping mall right outside of the city. I wanted to go to another city in the middle of Turkey called Cappadocia, but no one was down for the long haul there. The six of us crammed into a four-person taxi and went to the mall. That taxi ride was definitely the most uncomfortable car ride of my entire life. I have yet to mention that people in Istanbul drive like car-yielding assassins. I just mentioned it- did you catch that?

Blinkers? Pshhhh.

Brakes? Pshhhh.

Police? Hah.

Traffic Laws? What?

Stop lights? Pah.

Pedestrians? If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a car.

So, I was crammed in the back of a taxi with four other people on top of me while I rode in a speeding car wreck to be without air conditioning for thirty minutes. Funny story, I was told by a girl who I met that night in the city (I don’t know how true this is) that many Turkish drivers, due to their Islamic beliefs, agree that if they get in a car wreck it is only God’s will, so they don’t really try that hard to avoid accidents. After seeing the way they drive, I would believe it. The place was wayyy worse than Italy.

We finally got to the mall, and the place was unreal. As Colin and Paul so nicely put it, we “came to Istanbul today only to go back to America.” This mall was massive. It has six floors, including a mini amusement park, a movie theater, an arcade, and a bowling alley on the first floor. For those of you accustomed to the Citadel mall in Charleston, this mall is about ten times the size of the Citadel mall. It was insane. We went shopping, bowling, and even rode a roller coaster. Yeah… there is a roller coaster in there. I snuck my camera onto the roller coaster and took a video (it was wild, and I almost lost my camera). On the way back we discovered that the train station is connected to the mall and we could take a train for 3 liras all the way back to the ship instead of paying 5 liras each for a horrifying and steamy taxi ride. Good deal.

We went back to the port and changed into our swimsuits. Shortly after realizing that my bikini was not appropriate for the nightlife in Istanbul, I put on my new jeans, kicks, and Euro-trash shirt and went out on the town. It was a fun night involving nasty popcorn from a street vendor, a crazy late night restaurant experience, a scary cab ride back to the ship, and a run in with three kids- one from England, one from Sierra Leone, and one from Atlanta- who all lived in Turkey for a few years. I talked to them about how I wanted to go to Cappadocia and on the ship that evening I used my precious internet time to find out how pricey the flight would be, only to discover it was way out of my price range. If you don’t know what it is, Cappadocia is one of the wonders of the world. Look it up. I need to go there one day, and so do you. Afterwards, I said goodnight.

Day Four

Oh, day four. Stress levels were high. It was hot hot hot. Not a good combination. Colin, Mike, Paul, and myself heard from some girls that there are natural hot springs around Istanbul. I didn’t believe them because I had looked through a travel book that morning and I found nothing about hot springs, but the boys were determined. We found a cabbie that claimed he knew where the springs were, and we rolled along with Colin rocking the shotgun seat.

The taxi driver was mentally insane. The guy was blasting music and telling Colin that he knew a great place for American tourists to get prostitutes. It was funny at first, and then things got freaky Friday frickin’ fast. The guy almost ran over two pedestrians- a man selling water, and a little kid. When I say almost, I mean our taxi came within centimeters of both people. What did our driver do? He laughed. Not cool bro. Not cool at all. Shortly after the funnies wore off and we realized this guy was not a straight shooter, Paul and Mike noticed that the taximeter was movin’ on up (to the eastside) really quickly. We all looked around and realized that the guy had driven in circles and he took us practically nowhere in 15 minutes. He was trying to rip us off big time. We told him to pull over and he claimed we were almost there so we shouldn’t fret. Finally, we got him to pull over. We got out of the crazy taxi and Mike, despite our whispers of not paying this crazy guy, handed him a 20-lira bill for our 19-lira fare. In the blink of an eye, this wacko switched the 20 out for a 5-lira bill and started yelling that we still owed him 14 liras. We had been warned about this kind of thing by the Semester at Sea staff, so we basically told the guy to f-off. He sped away and we walked quickly in the other direction.

The four of us went into a hotel and asked about the hot springs. The hotel people told us that there are not any hot springs, the closest thing to hot springs are the saunas in the famous Turkish baths. Crap. Change of plans. I wanted to go to a Turkish bath, but the boys wanted to go over the Bosphorous River Bridge into Asia. I got really frustrated and when we found the metro station I split off on my own. I ventured over to a part of the city called Sultanhamet, home to the Aya Sofia and the Blue Mosque. Both mosques are huge and they are amazing architectural feats. For some reason, Istanbul has free citywide wifi in between the mosques, so I hung out there for a few hours calling and texting people on my phone. Good times. Afterwards, I walked around and found this really cool park. I explored the park/garden for a long time, and then dinnertime came along so I went back to the ship.

I was exhausted from my long day and I decided that for the first time since this trip had started, I would not go out on the town that night. I went to bed early and prepared for a long last day in the city.

Day Five- Bye Bye, Turkiye

Despite going to sleep early, I had trouble waking up. I finally got up at 10:30ish and went out on my own. The rest of the gang was still passed out from a long night.

I went to the outskirts of the GB to find some presents for family and friends, and despite my terrible sense of direction, I made it there. I got a small lunch and walked around. At first, I was doing really well. Things change rather quickly sometimes, don’t they? I got lost. Despite turning in different directions, I kept ending up in the same place. The city is like a maze. Finally, a few hours later, I found my way out. I was exhausted, sweaty, hungry (hungry hippos), and stressed out. I decided it was time for a Turkish bath. I found a nice looking one and went in for the kill. 60 liras for a traditional Turkish bath and massage: Excellent! I put on a towel, locked up my belongings, and was directed by a big guy into a little sauna room. There was a couple in there from Ireland, and we lay there sweating together. The woman had to switch into a different room, and the Irish guy and myself were scrubbed down and washed by two big and hairy Turkish gentlemen. It was an interesting experience. Afterwards, I went upstairs for a massage. I got some nice hot apple chai tea, talked to my new Irish, Turkish, and Canadian friends, and headed out. I walked around the town in a vigorous search for postcards for my mom, but I couldn’t find any. It was time to get back on the MV Explorer, and luckily the duty free store in the port saved me with a hefty helping of postcards.

I was worn-out all day, and for some reason at 12am I got a random energy burst so I wrote this. It is now 3am and I actually have class tomorrow so I should go to sleep.

A few final thoughts:

Istanbul used to be Constantinople. Istanbul, a bustling Muslim behemoth of a city. Istanbul, you were a cool place, but I don’t expect I will be back. The mosques were beautiful, but the city was too huge and dirty in most places. It was entirely too touristy and sleazy. Taxi drivers are scammers, salesmen try to rob you of your hard earned money, and even some restaurants try to add random charges to your bill (that’s another story or two, but this entry is way too long and I have to go to sleep now). The apple chai tea is amazing. The religious aspect of the city is intriguing and the Bosphorous River is mighty. The whole two continent connection thing is cool. The culture is unique. Istanbul, you have your pros and your cons, just like everywhere else; however, you are not for me. I saw some cool things; I saw some not so cool things. I experienced some unique experiences, some much less desirable than others.

Advice for future travelers to Istanbul: don’t take taxis. If you do, don’t. Take a Tylenol or 24 before you go to the Bazaars. Don’t tell people you are from America. Learn Turkish. Get out of Istanbul and explore the other amazing places Turkey has to offer. Go to the Aya Sofia and the Blue Mosque. Check out the museums. Get a Turkish bath. Try to explore the not so touristy parts of the city. Go out in Takxim Square one night. If you decide to do business, do it with older gentlemen- they are awesome people who have no interest (most of the time) in scamming you or endangering you in any way.

Stay thirsty for adventure my friends,

~Stephen

Advertisement